So here we are, 36 weeks. I am feeling…scared, fat, anxious, happy, calm, hungry, feisty, sassy, exhausted, excited- oh what’s that? You get it, I can stop now? Okay, okay. But lets get down to it. How do I really feel? Am I ready?
I DON’T KNOW
I really don’t. I have NO idea what to expect. I have a birth plan, my bags are packed, her room is 85% done, car seat in, frozen meals started, house is cleaner than it was when we moved in, and everything has been organized from the cupboards to our closets to the junk drawer. But that’s not what it takes to have a baby, to raise a baby, to be parent. I don’t know how to do any of that because I’ve never done it before. I have an education, I am a nanny, I know how to diaper, proper breast milk storage, things to do, things not to do, how to swaddle, etc but I don’t know my baby yet. Everything I thought I knew may go out the window. I thought I knew how to put a car seat in, well, an hour later and a sore back from sitting in the parking lot with Adam fighting over how to put the damn thing in, I ask myself what else am I going to fail at?
So what is this post about, well I would like it to go in the direction of “What’s In My Hospital Bag” but I should also give everyone just a general update on what’s been going on in the life of Adam and Brittany.
Let’s start out on a happy note shall we? Some fun, non-controversial questions.
Wedding ring on or off?: That sucker is off. We took maternity pictures last weekend and I was able to shove it on, but on the way home I had to have my hand above my head for atleast 10 minutes before it would even budge. (Adam found it mildly funny). I actually ordered a rose gold ring from Amazon for $25 to replace it, it’s a size 7, my wedding ring is 5.25, so it’s a bit bigger and doesn’t “fit” right but it’s a nice replacement and makes a cool thumb ring when my hands don’t look like the Pilsbury Dough Boy.
Cravings?: Pure Leaf Unsweetened Tea, Gatorade, & frosting. Rainbow chip to be exact. Yes, it is back by popular demand, I joked with Adam when I got home from the grocery store and found it, saying “THEY MUST HAVE FINALLY LISTENED TO MY LETTERS!”
Maternity Clothes?: Yup, just bought two new pairs of jeans as well since I will be wearing them for as long as possible post partum. Cause I know for a fact there ain’t no way I’m sliding my thighs back into my highschool jeans that yes, I was still wearing prior to being knocked up.
Movement?: I joke about her pulling an Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption and digging her way out of me. She likes to put her toes under my ribs, push on my lady bits, make me pee a little, (I may have wet the bed one time…not ashamed) roll from one side to the next, stick out a bum or a foot from time to time, hiccup, and I’m positive she knows how to do the “Nae Nae” already.
Sleep?: I am only working two days as a nanny so I nap most days anytime from noon to three for about two hours. Be jealous. Night time is another story. I go to bed around 10, asleep by 10:15, up at 11:45 to pee, 1:45 to pee, 4:00 to pee, and then usually when Adam gets up I have to pee again. How’s sleep for my husband? Well, he didn’t realize that getting me pregnant would turn me from a silent, semi adorable drooling sleeper, to a drooling, farting, freight train like snoring sleeper. When you become pregnant you naturally begin to retain water and things you didn’t even think about start to swell. Clearly my sinuses have swelled. For the past two weeks my snoring has become TERRIBLE. The poor guy finally blew up the air mattress in Kerrigan’s room and retreats to his new dwelling when he can’t take the noise anymore. His favorite thing to do now instead of poking me to hopefully wake up me up and have me stop snoring is to SnapChat me snoring, send it to me, sneak off to sleep in Kerrigan’s room and leave me to wake up alone. I then look at my phone to see the time and see a Snapchat from him, play it, silently curse him, and move to the middle of the bed. On a serious note, God bless him, he has seriously been the best.
Hair/ Body/ Skin?: My hair is long, for once, my body is shaped like a pear, and my skin isn’t terrible, minus the spider veins and cellulite on my thighs and bum. I went to get my eyebrows threaded at the mall about three weeks ago and she pointed out that I should get my whole face threaded since I had so much peach fuzz on my cheeks. Thanks hormones. So my face feels like velvet.
Weight?: Well now, let’s talk about this now shall we? Before I was pregnant I was very sick with anxiety and a thyroid condition. I was at my lowest 119, but on a daily basis I was roughly 123-125. YES I KNOW I WAS VERY THIN. However, now I’m a hefty 166 putting my total weight gain at 41-45 pounds and counting. I’ve given up caring about the number on the scale, but it does get old hearing everyone I know tell me how much better I look with a little meat on my bones. Well people for one, I’m pregnant, I’d be concerned if I DIDN’T have meat on my bones, but my thyroid was way outa whack and now that it is where it should be, I’m hoping to stay at 135-140 post partum.
Mommy Thoughts?: Today, like in my intro, I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel. I may be ready tomorrow and scared shitless Friday. My emotions change as much as the stock market. Sometimes I sit on the floor and cry and Adam rubs my back because I don’t know what else to do. Sometimes I am super polite at the grocery store and I leave cursing the bagger because “I CLEARLY BROUGHT MY REUSABLE BAGS SO THAT I DON’T HAVE TO USE PLASTIC. THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT YOU TO PACK SOME FOOD IN A PLASTIC SACK AND PUT IT INTO MY REUSABLE BAG GIVING ME A PLASTIC BAG THAT ALL I USE IS FOR MY CATS POOP WHICH I HAVE 30 OF ALREADY. I am constipated one week, not the next, I can walk two miles one day and get half way around the block the next day and I think she’s going to fall out. Everyday is something new. That’s what being a parent is. You don’t know what to expect, you can have a plan, you can have “your way”, but in the end it depends on that little nugget you created and she runs the show. So yes, I’m ready to meet her, but I’m scared.
They say the love you feel when you first see your child is unlike anything you’ve ever felt, & I’m ready for that. I’m ready to meet her. But everything else?
Whoops, stay tuned for my next post, that will contain “What’s In My Hospital Bag”.
Also coming up, Baby Shower, Make Up looks from Molly & Corey’s engagement session and Sarah Funk’s wedding, & Nursery Reveal.
I should also include “How I Stay Organized With Pregnancy Brain.”